"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." Ephesians 1:3-6

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

They Are ALL Our REAL Children

As we have progressed through our adoption journey, the understanding of our own adoption into God's family has taken on a much greater meaning.
We are God's children because He chose to adopt us. As Ephesians tell us, " He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." What a wonderful truth. God's plan all along was to adopt us into His family. We are his OWN! And, we thank God for that truth. Adoption was not God's back up plan, or last resort, adoption was His intention from the beginning. How much sweeter this truth has become has we get closer to bringing our little girl home.

Although adopted, Elliana will be our OWN child. She will have no less privileges as a member of the Frazey family because she was adopted. Its a funny thing when you hear others talk about considering adoption but wanting to have their OWN children first.  Their intentions are probably not to sound as if they are creating separate classes within an adopted family, but that would be the result of such a statement. "I could adopt, but I need to have my OWN children first." As if the adopted children are any less your OWN. What constitutes one's OWN children? Is DNA structure the only thing that matters? Its not that the sentiment offends us, but it does sound rather naive when we think about adoption in light of our adoption in Christ.
More than having a different DNA structure, we hated God. We were at enmity with him, and yet, as His adopted children, we are His OWN. We are "heirs of the promise." We are viewed as sons & daughters.
Now obviously, we do not think there is anything wrong with having biological children. Or with desiring to have biological children. That isn't the point. We also are not upset about this, but we feel the need to educate a bit:) 
When we hear the statement, "We have talked about adopting, but want to have our OWN children first,"  Do they mean our daughter, who is adopted, will be less our OWN child than our biological children? Will our daughter be any less our REAL child?  Of course not! Yet, isn't that the result of such a statement? It sounds silly, when it is put forth that way, but that is the logical conclusion of such a statement. Children with our DNA structure are more our OWN children than those who do not share common DNA? What hypocrisy! Hopefully, anyone who calls them self a child of God would not make such a statement. They realize that all children, whether adopted or not, are our OWN children. Our real children. Just as we are all God's OWN children because he adopted us. Yet the statement, "We want to have our OWN children first," makes the assertion that certain children are of more importance or worth than others. Without explicitly saying it, that is how that comment is interpreted by parents with adopted children. 
We pray that Elliana and any future children God has for us never has to hear those words. We want to shield them from such ignorant statements. We do not want Elliana to think that because we adopted her she is any less our OWN child or that we value our biological children more because they are our REAL children. She is our OWN daughter because we chose to grow our family through adoption as a response to our command in scripture to care for orphans and the fatherless. We chose to have a child share in the blessing of being a member of our family with the same standing and privileges of all our children. 
This brings us back to our standing before God. God views us, who were adopted, "as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." We share in the blessings of the Beloved because he adopted us. J.I. Packer helps to summarize the importance of adoption when he says, "
 “…adoption is…the highest privilege that the gospel offers: higher even than justification… That justification- by which we mean God’s forgiveness of the past together with His acceptance for the future- is the primary and fundamental blessing of the gospel is not in question. Justification is the primary blessing, because it meets our primary spiritual need. We all stand by nature under God’s judgment; His law condemns us; guilt gnaws at us, making us restless, miserable, and in our lucid moments afraid; we have no peace in ourselves, because we have not peace with our Maker. So we need the forgiveness of our sins, and assurance of a restored relationship with God, more than we need anything else in the world; and this the gospel offers us before it offers us anything else…And as justification is the primary blessing, so it is the fundamental blessing, in the sense that everything else in our salvation assumes it, and rests on it- adoption included.
But this is not to say that justification is the highest blessing of the gospel. Adoption is higher, because of the richer relationship with God that it involves… Justification is a forensic idea, conceived in terms of law, and viewing God as judge…Adoption is a family idea, conceived in terms of love, and viewing God as father. In adoption, God takes us into His family and fellowship, and establishes us as His children and heirs. Closeness, affection and generosity are at the heart of the relationship. To be right with God the judge is a great thing, but to be loved and cared for by God the father is a greater."

We are loved and cared for by God the father. He loves us no less because we are adopted. In fact, the very reason He loves us is because we are adopted. We are his OWN because he adopted us. When we consider the marvelous truth of adoption, we realize the naivety and ignorance in making comments about having our OWN children first. DNA structure is a byproduct of having biological children, but it does not mean that biological children are any more important than adopted children or any more your OWN. So, before making any such comment about 'your own children first' or separating children of an adoptive family into two categories, consider your own adoption and rejoice that God calls your his child because you were adopted.

If you want to grow your family through the blessing of children, we encourage you to be open to God's plan for your family.  Maybe you will have biological children.  Maybe you will adopt children.  Maybe you will do both.  It doesn't matter the order. But regardless, the bottom line is that they are all your children.  Declan has two sisters.  Raelynn and Elliana. He doesn't have one real sister and then the one that was adopted. Both of these girls are our own and real daughters.  They are all real siblings.  Yes, really. wholely. completely.


  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and strong beliefs on this topic. Another beautiful picture of our adoption through Christ. I am thankful for the molding that has happened in my own heart on the very topic of adoption, through Christ using your words and others on the topic of adoption. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for opening your heart. Thank you for standing firm in your belief that your 3(+) children are your very OWN and nothing less.

  2. Legally, Elliana will be more yours than Raelynn and Declan! You can legally disown blood relatives, but the courts will not recognize that with an adopted child! Again, a picture of once you are a child of God's, you always are.

    1. Thanks for that Sarah! Never thought of that one before:) It has helped me SO much in how God views me. We aren't in a different class than Jesus, though we sure deserve to be! That is amazing. We had to be adopted before we could even be saved. You can't separate the two.